SHUT IN

There was one movie last year that I desperately wanted to see simply because I heard how embarrassingly awful it is — and I knew that my ‘Worst Of 2016’ list would be incomplete without it.

Well, I finally watched it this morning… and, yes, SHUT IN is painful to watch in way that makes 91 minutes feel like it’s the last three hours you have to live.

A plot summary isn’t even necessary. To be honest, I’m already afraid of inspiring anybody else to watch this complete waste of time (sorry, Tim), so I’ll only mention that there are, like, six jump ‘scares’ in the first act (all accomplished by way of a ridiculously loud score), and about eighteen more afterwards (many of which, overall, turn out to be dream sequences).

I hate to give any credit here (because, really, everybody involved should be ashamed), but Naomi Watts tries everything possible to elevate this material — and with no success. Oliver Platt makes for an ineffectual, but hilariously bad stand-in for Scatman Crothers… and Charlie Heaton (STRANGER THINGS) should stick to Netflix.

SHUT IN isn’t entertaining on any level, and I truly wish I had never heard of it.

ZERO FUCKING BEERS. ZERO.

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