KIDNAP

[Side Note: My favorite part of writing this review is that my Internet search history now includes the phrase “Kidnap Halle Berry.”]

KIDNAP is an enjoyably bad Lifetime movie gone wrong, and Academy Award winner Halle Berry needs to be recognized as a goddamn national treasure. Considering her past, the simple fact she took on a role that required her to be heroic while behind the wheel of a car is funnier than anything else you will hear today.

After a lengthy set-up that establishes Karla Dyson (Academy Award winner Halle Berry) as being a hard-working single mother, a fun afternoon-in-the-park turns into every parent’s worst nightmare when her son (Sage Correa) *announces his love for pineapple pizza.

*Suddenly disappears.

Academy Award winner Halle Berry is tasked with carrying this 82-minute long feature; armed only with the ability of talking to herself while, somehow, making some of the ugliest facial expressions ever captured on camera. While the car chase, itself, IS rather thrilling, the real joy of KIDNAP is in watching Academy Award winner Halle Berry sell the hell out of her character’s anguish.

KIDNAP is utterly preposterous and mind-numbingly awful, but almost in a ‘so bad, it’s good’ kind of way. Clichés are heavy, plot conveniences are plentiful, and Karla’s (Academy Award winner Halle Berry) decision-making skills will have you yelling at the screen in disbelief.

By the time we discover the truth behind the kidnapping (SPOILER: It’s not what you already think), nothing really matters.

Not in this movie. Not in Academy Award winner Halle Berry’s career. Not in life.

This may be the best movie of the year.

One and a Half out of Five Beers.

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