I saw my ex-wife at work the other day.
The feelings that used to be there are long gone, but it is still a complete mindfuck to see the face of a woman who once said “I do” now belong to someone who is a virtual stranger. To make matters worse, I know she wishes she never met me — and, sadly, I have to agree.
Divorced. No children. A post-marriage string of failed relationships… I never expected to be here at this point in life. I can sit here and pretend that I’m okay with everything, or I can tell you the simple truth. Yes, there is a part of me that is terrified of dying alone; and, of course, there IS a heavy sadness that I live with each day. However, the thing that breaks my heart the most is knowing I would have been an incredibly loving father.
We can talk clichés until the rum stops flowing, but I know that all is not hopeless. I am a proud uncle of two adorable little boys that I would die AND live for, and I am starting to fall back in love with the life I have. Becoming a father would be a beautiful gift, but becoming a better version of me is just as important.
Anyway, I’m going to try to watch KONG: SKULL ISLAND this afternoon.